forgive

although she hurt me too much, i forgave her.she even doesnt know what love is.

and she will eat the bitterness made by herself in the future.GOD will judge her eternally.

Good luck,peter,Good luck your couple...

A diary from year before

first regard myself as a valuable people, then other people think you are valuable.


Cherish myself.

恶妇和恶事

把时间精力放在恶妇，恶事上是对生命的极大浪费。

神允许的吗？ 神在那里？神的话在那里？

记得她买书时的钱她有还吗？被罚的175美金她有一定点的愧疚吗？是为谁做事？为恶妇做事，就是对神最大的不敬。 对过节那么好的食物她有一丁点的感谢吗。

为什么我不睁开我自己的眼呢？ 谢谢主，帮我坚硬了她的心，让我得到了安宁和平安。和贱人在一起，我就是变贱了，还是我本来就贱？of course 我被变贱了。

我得长进与感谢都献给你，我的恶妇。 愿因着对你的祝福，使我得智慧得以增长。

谢谢主。我因着你的名，而获得尊贵，荣耀。

好事坏事

这次她深深地伤害了我.

我的教训是什么呢?

1.自己的心首先要正.懂得标准在那里.自己是否走偏了.是否判断偏了.自我修炼.

2.要先做调查研究,事先从其他人嘴里得知判断,而非犯了错才去调查.

3.莫相信从恶人嘴里说出的话. 如果恶人嘴里吐一个恶言,会连续吐很多恶言. 一个谎话会有十个谎话跟着.

4.保护其他人莫受伤害.

5.集中力量做自己的事,这个世界上恶人恶事太多.莫对"人"抱太大希望.对神是相对的.

She sent back

"Please leave me alone for a while, Thanks for your cooperation."

Yes, I will give you enough time you want, none of my biz any more, I m gonna delete you from my life,totally.

我知道我为什么受折磨的原因了

因为很多人是很享受悲伤的，而我却不是。

我的的确确是阳光的，为什么不找阳光的呢？

为什么总是寻悲伤的呢，其实我们不是一路人。

世界真是两极化。

不知对不对-当然是要爱

关于女人
　　1、女人是自卑的动物，所以被动与敏感，需要男人的肯定与追求。
　　2、女人是虚荣与无知的动物，女人越爱虚荣就越说明她自卑，因为只有来自外在的肯定与虚荣才会使她相信自我的价值。 
　　3、女人认为自己不如男人，而且会在潜移默化中强化这种情绪，所以，女人作为弱者，会编制各种保护伞来寻求保护，以逃避男人的伤害。外表冷漠、清高自傲等等都是女人逃避伤害的借口与表象。
　　4、女人作为弱者，缺乏安全感，而这来自于男女身体的差异，女人身体柔弱，缺乏力量， 所以，对力量充满恐惧，总是害怕和逃避力量的伤害，而只有彻底的伤害与蹂躏女人的身体与意志，才会真正使女人放弃对力量的躲避与恐惧，女人才会真正有安全感，所以，所有的女人都具有受虐的倾向与幻想，女人在潜意识里认为男人强暴女人是正常的表现，男人的性能力越强，插入女人身体越深，对女人伤害越大就是越有力量的表现，而这正好可以在更大程度上满足女人对力量的追逐，从而弥补自己力量的缺失。
　　5、女人不如男人，所以，女人的一切行为举止都是为男人而服务的，只有男人的注视与肯定才会使她有价值。女人的漂亮打扮、举止优雅，高贵气质，都是在向男人展示自己的价值。这样一方面，借此逃避与遮蔽一般男人对自己的伤害。另一方面，希望自己喜欢的男人来伤害自己。
　　6、女人是无知和盲从的动物，思想上依附于男人的评价。女人作为弱者，潜意识里认为自己的思想也是无知和迷茫，需要强势男人对其改造。男人的坚定与自信可以摧垮任何女人的心理防线。
　　7、占有女人的心的最好的途径是插入她的阴道，摧毁她的心理防线。让其褪掉世俗的压力和束缚，撕掉自己的面具和伪装，变成荡妇和淫妇，真正享受被强暴和蹂躏的痛苦和畅快。女人永远记得第一次占有她身体的男人。女人伪装的越深，束缚越多，就越需要男人帮其撕掉伪装，强暴她，占有她，让她做真正的自己。
　　8、女人认为自己是弱者，因而要进行伪装，保护自己，但女人也只认为自己是弱者才是真正的女人。所以，女人崇拜力量，愿意屈服于男人。被男人强暴，被男人蹂躏，事实上帮助女人实现了愿望，女人会感激男人。
　　9、女人是一种可怜的动物。女人归属于男人，女人渴望被男人占有，但又害怕被男人抛弃，所以，女人被动，犹豫不决。
　　
　　 关于男女
　　1、男人的成功首先来源于天生的性别优势。男人天生是强者，最根本的体现在于男女的差别，所以，在女人面前，男人应充满力量。
　　2、男人的根本在于对女人的占有和蹂躏，男人的能力最重要的是性能力。
　　3、夹的再紧的阴道也注定只是阴道，没有捅不开的逼洞，只要鸡巴足够强壮。
　　4、男人注定要骑在女人身上，男人的阴茎具有攻击性，而女人的阴道只能被动承受，所以，男人是天生的征服者，女人是天生的被征服者。
　　5、女人的快感来自于对痛苦的承受，这根源于女人阴道对侵入体内的阴茎的接纳。男人的快感来自于力量的释放，这根源于男人阴茎对女人阴道的蹂躏和摧残。
　　生活中的女人享受男人施加的各种痛苦和烦恼，而男人享受力量带来的权势、地位。男人要学会折磨女人。
　　6、母爱是伟大和宽容的，女人愿意承受孩子带来的一切，因为，连自己身体被摧残、被蹂躏、被占有都承受了，孩子的一切又有什么不能接受的？伟大的母性甚至愿意为孩子牺牲自己，因为在潜意识里她认为男孩是天生高贵的，而女孩身体又比自己要纯洁。而自己的身体被蹂躏，已经不重要了。女人天生自卑。
　　7、阴道的作用就是接纳阴茎，如何接近她，让大门为你敞开，需要坚挺的男人努力奋斗。
　　8、女人的阴道喜欢坚挺的鸡巴。现实的女人喜欢坚挺、自信的男人。
　　9、坚挺来自于自信，自信来自于内心坚定，内心坚定外在于眼睛。

SM

这是几个月前我写的＂论文＂标题．当时的写作并没有完成．因为遇到了理论问题．
关于女性天生受虐狂的结论起源于西格蒙德，弗洛伊德．在他和他的门徒的推动下，考虑到性生理学研究在最近几十年的进展，这一理论体系的主要论点是：
１.女性是＂不完整＂的个体．她们没有＂阴茎＂，或者说她们的＂阴茎＂被＂阉割＂而变成了阴蒂．这一＂阉割情结＂是整个弗洛伊德后期思想核心．弗洛伊德据此得出的结论是，由于＂阉割情节＂而导致的＂阳具崇拜＂，从根本上导致了女性的自卑感，从而决定了女性气质的三个特征：被动，受虐倾向和自恋．这一观点我将在下面详细分析．需要注意的是，弗洛伊德由此推出女性在社会文化与文明创造领域的＂无能＂甚至＂阻碍＂作用．而这个是最为女权主义诟病的
２.由＂阴道性交＂推出的结论．这一观点由弗洛伊德首先提出，由他的门徒，奥地利女心理学家迪兹克完善．这种理论指出，女性性快感唯一来源是＂受虐＂．迪兹克甚至认为，＂性交本身就是一种暴力过程＂，这主要指阴道性交过程中男性＂阴茎＂的穿刺，特别是第一次阴道性交中女性处女膜破裂带来的生理痛苦．与后来女性性高潮中享受到的＂快感＂相联系．这就意味着性交这种对女性的暴力行为是女性性快感的唯一来源．迪兹克甚至把这一范畴扩展到女性怀孕以及分娩的整个过程，把它看作女性一个广泛意义的痛苦的＂性交＂．这一观点从本质上甚至把女性角色与＂生育＂机能联系起来，当然受到了女权主义更强烈的反对．

i should know what i m doing

Although I try my best to comfort ZY, but I need to make sure I know the bottom line, we can not go back together, I can not afford this anymore.

She is looking for something even she doesn't know herself. I can not do nothing, but get hurt.

and She doesnt appreciate all the efforts I made and seek comfort in another man's arm. Selfish? a little bit.

She never bent down her head ,what Need is not a girl who hide herself in her heart. or Cheating on me, I want a girl who open her heart to Lord who can bent down to her husband and her husband also can bent down to her.

I need to ignore all the girls and woman who are totally selfish and self-centered who think themself pethetic, only losers think in that way,and apparently, I dont want to stay with losers.

Get out of horoscope stuff, a basic polite thing everyone can do .... no more excuses.

She can take an act while in her business and in her office ,sure she can take an act in a relationship if she want. No more bullshit.

I need to find someone who really fear the Lord and appreciate me ,and we appreicate each other together instead of those who have the stubborn neck. Think themseves like princess while they are cheap like a maid. No more cheap girls around me, if they can not due respect to themselves how can you expect the noble character from them? There is no way like that.

Cheap and Noble ,they sure are different.

Never Play Cheap or being treated Cheaply.

the harzard of Porn

Today I watched a little bit porn(maybe  because angry? anyway, all is excuses),  and don’t know why, but it really eliminates the disgusting feeling when I think of her; This is a test, it shows the porn isn't good, it is equivalent adultery, because I don’t have any feeling anymore, no angry, no sad, why ? Because I just did adultery with some people in the movie, just like she did, my soul is rotting. It is seduce from Satan, it reduce the man's normal feeling, let man fall into deep death places.

Lord, please forgive me, this is a test; let me know- without love, all the other things are bullshit.

No matter how we cover ourselves, no matter how many excuses we make ,it just happened. Like adultery...

Lord, please don’t turn around from me, though it is a test, I know what is I should do or not should do, listen to your words without doubts cuz you are the creator, the holy father, you know what do  good to your beloved son. Your son will listen to your words, because they are  all benefits ,no harm. Thank you Lord for listening. In your Holy Name. Amen.

拒绝

我想我以后会拒绝和她往来吧。也不需要有什么善心了。

之前的我是否太善了。一直考虑别人，从３０岁是否考虑自己呢？

太多善也就成了恶，成了对自己的恶。

希望以后经常说＂ＮＯ＂

不可饶恕

她深深地伤害了我，对于此最大的帮助就是感谢！因为她通过这件事让我学到了很多道理。

１。很多女人也是很低贱的，就像很多男人低贱一样。　大家都是一样的。

２。很多美貌，容颜都是靠不住的，不要因为看一个人很清纯，老实，来去判断她的内心，通过她的行为来判断。

３。了解自己要什么，不要轻易施舍，自己的事都忙不过来呢。帮助那些需要帮助的人。

４。永远和那些知恩图报的人在一起，因为感恩，所以蒙福。

５。善良只是品格中的一部分，不是全部，不应过分夸大，很多善良的人，非常傻。

６。永远和有自尊的人在一起。

对此，这些事都发生了，时间很快就冲淡了，权当做人生一个经验吧。

由我的经验联想到佛吉尼亚杀人案

我现在很同情佛吉尼亚杀掉他女同学的哥们，通过这件事我某种程度上了解到了他的一点点内心世界。我一直很好奇，为什么他对这个女同学有这么大的仇恨呢？ 我们一直在单方面责备他对不对。当然他杀人不对，但是像他这样的人，平时对人都很好，是什么引起他那么大的仇恨呢。女方对他作了什么？

根据我自己的推测，仅仅是推测，女方估计也不是特别检点的人，在帮助她安顿过程中，俩个人肯定发生了些什么，然后女方安定下来后，就觉得该结束了，但是男方已经深深爱上了她，不能忍受像垃圾一样的被处理掉，刚好男方比较纯情，之前因为学习太好，没有谈过恋爱，没有受过伤害（我们这里应该感谢伤害），所以因爱生恨，不能控制自我，造成了非常大的惨剧。

由此我想到，一个人应该高贵而又优雅的活着，很多女人很高贵的。也有很多女人很低贱，莫不让那些低贱的女人把自己脱下水。圣经上 已经反复讲 淫妇口如蜜，害得却是人的灵魂。

我之前因着灵魂没有依托，没有依靠，做了很多错事/。我很后悔，好在信了主之后，也面临诱惑，但是都因着这样那样的帮忙抵挡了过去。

Be Noble In the Soul, Never Play cheap. or Being Treated Cheaply.

 

感情随想

我被ZY深深的伤害了。她最起码欠我一个对不起吧。 不过我还是很感谢她，因为让我理解了种种女人。 当一个女人/男人反复向你诉说她/他的伤痛的时候，往往是这些伤痛在她/他身上发生是有原因的。

今天学到一句话：“任何事的发生都是由原因的。” 

比如：我曾帮忙的*D*H，曾经被人骚扰，但是事实证明她也不是善类。

比如：她被诉说，被好朋友非礼；我想通过我跟人跟她的体会，应该是有某种程度的seduce吧。我很难想象一个男人敢对一个义正词严女人有非份之想。

父母

今天读到箴言 22：6

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he si old he will not turn from it.

教养孩童，使他走当行的道，就是到老他也不偏离。

读到这里，想到父母，尤其是父亲，最起码他是正直的，没有教育孩子走上歪路，难道我们不因这点而心存感激吗？想想外面有多少因为父母教育不好而犯罪的孩子，难道我们不是幸运的吗？

所以对父母的感激应该是应该的。呵呵。

明明白白

很多人活在世上不明白，今天翻看我之前对于我和ZY的关系的预测，大概也有猜到一点点。

她虽然上进有野心，但是细微之处注意到了吗？身边的机会抓住了吗？ 两个人共患难，可以吗？ 时间还是非常短。而且人都会变/ 或正向变，或负向变。

之前也是提过一个问题---和一个人建立关系，他人能得到什么，我能得到什么？大家能否满足对方的需要呢？

贵族的学校，和高贵的品格

前段时间和Jonathan 一起去拜访Dr.T.C.Chen;还有就是Yale,并且在马院士家里住了一晚。成功的人一定有自己的方法，和与他人不同的地方。

马院士就是一例，在YALE 沁浸了30多年，他的品质里已经和Yale部分你我。我是一个粗鄙的人，出身低贱，就我的观察而言有几点最让我感受深刻：

1。高贵的傲骨。 Never Play Cheap.在骨子里就是高贵的。

2。说话从来就是造就人，从来不诋毁和毁坏别人。

3。不紧不慢的幽默。但是小事处理起来非常快。几乎不会有任何的迟疑和拖延。

4。充分的尊重他人的人格。 不管位置高低，都以一律很有礼貌和尊重。

5。在谦逊中，有着不卑不亢的自信。每人能够夺得走，撼得动。

愿上帝祝福他们，也愿我能吸收足够的好的营养，长大，结果。

杂想

观察一：

去年暑假帮Larry Gao在深圳做生意，很有趣的一点：观察基督徒和非基督徒的无名指，所有的结婚的基督徒的无名指上都带着Ring, 而属世的台湾朋友，则只有一个带着，其他的都没有带。挺有意思的一个现象。 同样对比中国和美国，中国人里平时带着Ring的较少，而美国结婚的带着Ring的比例却大很多。 有趣吗？ 为什么呢？这个后面反映了什么呢？ 

我想主要的不同是基督教文化的影响。

观察二：有些非常好的虔诚的基督徒说他们做祷告时，被生灵充满，脑海里就会出现picture,乃是上帝的指引。我自己是基督徒，但非非常虔诚的，所以一直没有感受到这一点。但我的问题是，我们都是罪人(Sinner），即使我们脑海中有影像，但是会不会因着我们的罪，这些影像并不是来自上帝的，而是来自自己内心的，即或是来自上帝的，是否有偏差呢？

目前对我而言，尚不能有影像，目前能否阅读圣经，将自己生活里的琐事，小事，尽量match 这些原则就相当不错了。作为基督徒最重要的不仅是input,而是Output哪些。

观察三：

过一个prudent 的生活，目前我将自己的保险，降到了两辆车$345,凡事都有代价，这个代价就是开车一定要谨慎小心。但是这个代价是好的，是保险的。是对任何人都有益处的。况且有神的保守，所以放心。

观察四：关于Obama作总统的。老子说福祸相生，一生二，二生三，三生万物。很多时候不知道事情的好坏，而且事情本身也没有绝对好坏的。主要是看问题的角度。如果不是bush administration搞得这么差，估计Obama也没机会做总统。如果他不能做总统，不知要等多少年，才出现一个黑人总统，才消除真正的种族主义。所以什么叫好，什么叫坏，大部分时候是说不清的。

她

她判断力有问题。。。

他逻辑力有问题

它从来不主动

我要继续吗。当然不。

The difference between winners and losers.

MONDAY, AUGUST 27, 2007

The difference between winners and losers.

What is the difference between a winner and a loser? How can you tell if someone is a winner who has suffered a temporary defeat or a loser? How can you tell if you yourself have become a loser?

Easy, listen for the excuse. Losers always make excuses, its why they're losers. Winners own their failures and learn from them.

This simple and mostly under appreciated fact is what all the feminists, minority activists, social justice types, socialists, leftists, redistribution of wealth types, etc simply don't get. Losers make excuses, winners make things happen.

Find yourself complaining about "rampant and institutional sexism in America" as the reason you didn't get that job you wanted? You're a loser. Find yourself bitching about the "ever present racism of American employers" as the reason you didn't get a job? Congratulations you just made the loser list. Think the reason a colleague got the promotion instead of you is because of your color, sex, religion, etc? You are a loser.

This is not a sometimes rule, or a rule of thumb, its a hard rule. Anytime you make excuses for your failures, you have become a loser. Period.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, the "wage gap" between men and women doesn't exist as a practical matter, men and women with similar age, education, and experience, earn the same amount. So why do you hear so much about it? Losers. Losers are always looking for an excuse. An excuse which allows them to place the blame on society itself are particularly popular since it will always be "valid". After all, despite the fact that more women are graduating college every year than men, the wage gap is non-existent, and the glass ceiling has been shattered, have feminists stopped bitching about sexism as the reason women aren't as successful at the highest levels as men?
Of course not. They're losers, and losers need their excuses.
Go into any poor neighborhood and start talking to people about why they don't make more money, you'll hear about sexism, racism, affirmative action, immigrants, the cost of college, "privilege", corporatism etc. Not one person will place the blame for their failures on their own lack of interest in self improvement, not one will blame his failure on his lack of education or skills, or on their lack of desire to obtain said. People who spend 100 dollars a week on beer and cigarettes will tell you with a straight face that they cant "afford" healthcare, trade school, or higher education. Guys who are out the door as soon as their shift is over decry their inability to get promoted.
In the meantime immigrants who come to this country illegally are usually able to begin earning more than natives with similar education and skills within a few years of crossing the border.
The truth is, America is the land of opportunity if you're willing to make the sacrifices necessary to capitalise on that opportunity. Wanna get ahead? Work harder, spend less. Wanna get promoted? Put in more hours, begin helping current management, act as a manager and they will make you one. Want a raise? Make yourself more valuable than your coworkers. Want to get that job? Dress well at the interview, speak well at the interview, have the skills, qualifications, and experience necessary to do the job, and you might get it.

Being a winner is hard. It means not taking the easy way out, not making excuses, it means working both hard, and smart. It means that when you have a temporary failure, you ask yourself "what could I have done differently" instead of "how did the world wrong me this time"? It means that even in instances where sexism, or racism, or other ism's may have been reason you failed, you intentionally ignore the possibility and focus on what you did wrong instead.

Now that last sentence may have thrown a few of you. It wasn't a typo. Even in a situation where you have a good, solid, reason to suspect an ism may be the reason things didn't go your way, focus on yourself instead. Why? Because while thinking "I didn't get that job because the interviewer is a racist/sexist/ageist" etc, may be emotionally satisfying, it doesn't help you improve at all. Looking at the interview and saying "I should have done X,Y,and Z, better" will. Saying to yourself "I didn't get the promotion because I'm a woman" may help you accept the disappointment of not getting the promotion, and it will probably make you better about yourself, but it wont help you get the next one. Asking yourself "What are some of the reasons I may not have gotten this promotion, and how can I change that" will. Even if this one instance was sexism, simply getting into the habit of self criticizing will lead to long term improvement. More to the point, you will be far better positioned to compete against others at your next job.

But bitching about ism's? Coming up with complex theories to explain why others are getting what you want? Complaining about "privilege" or "patriarchies",and "invisible and institutional" biases?

That's for losers.

Winners make things happen, Losers make excuses. Which are you?

开放我们的思想

世界的多样性 导致了对于同样的事情的截然相反的反应...

比如: 一个人要哭,劝得人如果说 哭什么哭,即使哭,你对这上帝去哭吧.

如果劝的人 不是基督徒,那么这句话可能就是很伤人的话.

如果劝的人 是基督徒,那么这句话可能就是世界上最好的安慰.

所以世界上任何的一件事都回又两种截然不同的反应,不要大惊小怪.保持思路开阔.多留个心眼观察一下.

隔绝

今年无聊 看了会儿porn. 

后来觉得真的有隔绝的感觉。 感觉不好。。。

没有精神的愉悦，纯粹肉体的放纵。

不是不好，没有爱，乃是虚空。